Traditional motivation doesn't work for my adult ADHD - here's a better way
Pressure from traditional intrinsic and extrinsic motivational factors can make it harder to achieve goals as an adult with ADHD.
Welcome in! This week we’re talking about ADHD, the myth of productivity and what our brains are REALLY looking for when we need to be productive.
I was diagnosed with ADHD back in 2022 after a prolonged bout of disorganization, in my physical space but also my professional one. I was missing school deadlines, letting dishes pile up — I even had a roommate at the time who, rightfully so, couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t bear to accept how disorganized I was, and how it was affecting others, and so I sought out a diagnosis of ADHD to try and explain what was going on with me. Since then, I’ve started medication and other such treatments which have helped me tremendously, but I still slide back sometimes.
If you’re anything like me, you look around at everything you have to do on a daily basis and physically cringe. Living alone is an especially tough existence, because all the accountability falls on you. If you don’t clean your work uniform over the weekend, guess what — you’re gonna be that one smelly dude in the office. It hits you later on, after you’ve already spent your free time completely avoiding what you ACTUALLY have to get done. It’s a sobering thing to realize nobody is coming to save you — but what if that’s all we need to get started?
I’m not talking about someone coming in and rescuing you from your own mess. The more disorganized we get, the more shame can show its head and you don’t want someone metaphorically stepping on eggshells when they come over to intervene. That kind of negative pressure is actually what causes ADHD symptoms to get worse — the feeling that if someone truly saw you for who you are that they would cuss you out like your old teacher did when you forgot the homework. That vigilance, waiting for rejection is what reinforces the shame of being disorganized, but what if we just let that go? What if we just accepted ourselves, for the messy, disorganized humans we are? Not in a shameful, self-critical way — trying to just be honest with ourselves. There’s a significant release of pressure when we just look at the mess we made for what it is, and it can feel so much less daunting that way. Society, our parents, our coworkers — they want us to be organized, because that’s a sign everything is going right with us, right? If we’re missing huge appointments, forgetting birthdays and being generally “lazy”, there must be something seriously wrong with us.
But you and I both know that’s not true. Sometimes the pressure of it all is enough for our brains to shut it off, out of sight. It’s almost like we know what we need to do to move forward, but that specific act is so painful to think about doing right that we have no choice but to avoid it. This is the curse of ADHD for so many just like us. Scientists might have an answer though, and news flash — the secret isn’t beating ourselves up for it even more.
It turns out that those of us with ADHD respond to entirely different incentives than our peers. To understand this, let’s break down motivation into two categories — intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic is the feeling we get during the act of doing the task itself, like how some of us love taking showers because the warm water is relaxing. Extrinsic motivation is reinforcement from the outside, like getting praise from others, earning money, getting good grades, and so forth.
The world around us has been set up for those who are motivated by traditionally understood extrinsic factors, but those with ADHD may feel like they don’t want what everyone else wants. Maybe they don’t understand the purpose of “climbing the ladder” in their job, or they don’t enjoy being validated by others constantly as much as when they’re comfortable in themselves. They don’t feel so motivated to receive praise over the final outcome of what they’re working on, and instead want to be recognized and praised for small steps they take along the way. Or maybe they don’t get how people can be alone and so productive, and they need people around them to encourage their best selves to come out and play.
A qualitative study was done in 2017 on adolescents — some of the most driven, authentic members of the human population — who also had received a diagnosis of ADHD (read the full study here). They were asked targeted questions about what they like and don’t like, as well as more reflective ones like this: “It is a typical day during the week. It is still morning, are there things you are not looking forward to?”
The results were astonishing, because they showed just how different the ADHD teens were than their peers when describing what, at their core, truly motivates them. The results showed that motivation came about when:
They felt a sense of togetherness.
This meant that they felt as a part of a group, which drove them to be motivated way more than if they were going at it solo.
They felt competent.
This goes back to the idea of incremental reinforcement, instead of receiving praise at the end of their project or task.
There was a need for variation fulfilled.
They didn’t feel so bored doing the same task over and over, and could recognize the repetitive tasks as new experiences.
They gained a feeling of satisfaction by applying effort to achieve a goal.
In other words, they found enjoyment in the feeling of applying the effort needed to reach their goals.
They were able to become absorbed in the task.
They felt the most motivated when they task at hand was engaging enough that they could easily direct their focus to it, instead of becoming distracted and losing that attention.
They felt free and independent.
The task or project was less direction-based, and instead of following rules, they felt most motivated when they were directing themselves towards it.
They received material reinforcement.
They got a physical reward upon the completion of the task, even if it was small like a new pencil or a sticker.
The task involved a certain amount of bodily stimulation.
This means that the teens were more likely to stay motivated when their task involved moving their bodies around in some way, as opposed to sitting down for long periods of time.
Now I know these are only teenagers, but I can relate to most of this. I enjoy my job the most when I have to get up and move around, and I feel independent and able to be self-directed. Those of us with ADHD have a different sensitivity to intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and in order for us to thrive, we need to shift our expectations of normal.
To wrap up, let’s go back to the messy house problem. We feel ashamed of our mess, but we should remember that cleaning is pretty gross. We need to adapt the task to our own personal needs, like making it more engaging to do while we do it, or giving ourselves small pats on the back when we complete a step. Watch your favorite TV show while you clean up, or play some upbeat music so you can do some dance moves in between scrubbing dishes. Make the same, boring tasks feel brand new, and don’t let the shame creep in about not getting it done. If you’re able to, grab an accountabuddy — someone who also wants to stay consistent and you can enjoy that feeling of togetherness.
So that’s the scoop. Reflecting on how you approach productivity, while considering the research, might give you some insight into how to achieve even more than what you thought you could. Let’s all just take a step back and breathe, remind ourselves of how hard we’re working, and decide to keep moving forward. Because the results when we finish will be so worth it. Maybe not that self-criticism though, we don’t need that :)
Time to start applying my own advice to my life! Did you like this issue of Starseed Scientist? Consider adding me to your weekly emails.
Reference: Morsink, Sarah & Sonuga-Barke, Edmund & Mies, Gabry & Glorie, Nathalie & Lemiere, Jurgen & Oord, Saskia & Danckaerts, Marina. (2017). What motivates individuals with ADHD? A qualitative analysis from the adolescent’s point of view. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. 26. 10.1007/s00787-017-0961-7.